To Kneel

I pondered a mountain

set before me

too weak to climb

my shriveled soul rocked

back and forth

I looked the other way

hoping

you would move it

You asked me to climb it instead

"Believe!

If

only

you

would!"

And so

I climb past

memories

Who but you can see

these scars so deep

within me?

Like gravity they

pull at my flesh

turning me inside

out

the closer I get

to you

taunting me to turn

and go back down

yet I climb

the next 5 feet

in front of

my heart screaming

in my chest

sweat like tears

my body sheds as my legs spin out

all the grief

and all that was lost

is left

on the face of this rock

that I climb still

and I wonder

if

at the top I will think the thought

that to "believe"

you really meant in me

and if you did

I pray

that with an empty heart

and empty hands

I will be

brought to

kneel

at your cross

and you will cradle

my chin in your hands

and wipe away

the shame

my only offering that falls from

my eyes

like diamonds to

you. And place them on your crown

and give me

again

something to give back

to

you....always to you.

The God I cannot see.