I want you to know that although this day marks 27 years since you have passed, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. There has been much that has happened since I last saw you. It would take me 27 years to tell you everything. I hope it's true what they say about passing on. You know, that you guys can see us here. But if I could pick and choose what you could see, I would only want you to see the good stuff I guess. Stuff like I am riding my bike again and even racing. I would want you to see that I think of you every time I ride, and on particularly bad days I imagine that you are with me, and you help me figure things out. There have been times when I needed you to be there like only a brother could be for his little sister. I wonder if you know how much I miss you.
Sometimes I catch glimpses of you in my son. He is funny and easy going like you, and he has that same mop of unruly hair atop his head. He even walks like you.
Danny contacted me on FaceBook. I think about all your friends this time of year. I had terrible crushes on your friends. When you would have them sleep over I would sneak downstairs and kiss their faces. I felt compelled to try and look all of them up and see how they turned out, but I don't have the time. I have kids of my own and I am in school full time.
Be warned that if I get my homework done today I may come and visit your grave. Every time I go there, this vision of myself flashes in my mind of me throwing myself on the ground and just sobbing until the tears penetrate the six feet of dirt that covers you. Instead I just stand there and look at your picture on your headstone, and a vague awareness that you aren't even there prevents me from doing so. Then I glance at Mom and Matt's headstones, and my heart thumps hollow in my chest. If you see them could you tell them I hope someday we can work things out?
I have to run now. I have spin class this morning,homework, and something to look forward to for tomorrow to help me get through this day. It still feels like it was just yesterday that you died. But it's been 27 years. And life...It still goes on.
I love you
2 comments:
You know.....when my wife was pregnant and we found out we lost the baby....there was only one person to turn to. We met with a pastor and he had the best comparison that I have ever seen or heard of. It went like this...
God is in heaven holding Jamie. He looks down at us and say, while reaching his arms forward, "Are you sure you want Jamie back? Jamie is here in Heaven with ME. Free from pain, free from the what the world has become....are you sure?"
This struck us deep enough to understand that the baby was gone. That Jamie was safe in Heaven and that one day we would see Jamie again. Life does go on.....and our memories are forever.
I am sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss as well Sean. I can't even imagine.
Post a Comment