Provision

Friday, August 08, 2008
provision
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance--that principle is contempt prior to investigation." Herbert Spencer
So I'm sitting here having coffee this morning at my computer. Listening to David Crowder, thinking I should be running or lifting or riding as usual but here I sit pondering yesterdays experience at Mary Free Bed. I went for a computer assesment at their rehab technology center. We went over a brief health history and they asked me a few questions about why I was there. I told them about my difficulties with typing and my fear of not being able to get through school because of it. It truly is stressful for me to sit at a keyboard and type. I get so frustrated at times I could chuck this keyboard into the next life. Anyway Matt (thats the name of my rehab practitioner) asked me what I wanted to go to school for. When I told him Physical Therapy Assistant he smiled, winked at me and said "How fitting." Confirmation again. Why do people keep doing that to me? Yeah its fitting alright. It's what I want to do, I just don't want to do the work to achieve the end result. Because it will be just that. Work. So my mind imposes road blocks that seem absolutely real. and they are until you meet people like the Matts and Sister Kathryns in the world.
They showed me some software and gave me several options on how to break through this barrier. He had me put on a head set and test out this voice activated program. After we trained the computer to recognize my voice, he had me repeat after him. This is what appeared on the screen. "I will be attending Baker college next semester. I will be studying the Physical Therapy Assistant program." At that moment in space and time I realized that this thing is going to happen and everything I'm going to need will be provided. They looked at me and asked me what I thought. As I started to tell them how cool it was that this road block was being removed I started crying. Sister Kathryn teared up. Matt beamed a smile. "It's what we do." Just like that he said it. So I said "Cool, my next barrier is going to be transportation. Could you put a new car in your recommendation to my case worker?"
You know the Mary Free Bed logo says "Restoring Hope and Freedom" and that's what Matt and Sister Kathryn did in that technology center yesterday. I was so overwhelmed when I walked out. That Herbert Spencer quote just kept rolling through my head. My barriers are in my head. The biggest one to break through.
Truly though my motivation and what got me started on this pursuit of school is purely selfish and as you can probably guess it has something to do with biking. You see I want a better bike. I want to ride that bike in other states. Perhaps in other countries. I want to move out west and crap on a mountain. So I have resolved that sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do to get what you never knew you always wanted. I never knew I wanted something more. I wouldn't let myself even think about it. But that is what biking has done to me. Damn you Eric, bless you!
Last season it was hell! I couldn't make the climbs, I bled every ride and the love/hate relationship began. This season the hills don't seem so big , I'm learning how to pick a line and most of all to just keep pedaling. Maybe I can pedal through this school thing, and if I get to restore hope and freedom to someone in the end , look them in their tear filled eyes and say, "It's what we do," then that my friends is tread on the trail! I just want to ride my bike.
When in doubt, throttle out!