Broken Vessels

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Broken Vessels
I get home from cleaning yesterday. I estimate my time and decide I have enough to do it. Yes that's right. I'm going to Lawless. Suprise Double D! The fan club is officially on tour.
I'm packing food (because I don't go anywhere without it) and I hear the wind blow through the blinds that my son left down with the windows open. Tink..crack. What was that? I walk into the living room, and scan the area near the window. It's my cheriched crystal singing bowl. A vase full of paper flowers that my daughter made for me years ago got kicked off the sil by the blind. Note. If my son would have put the bowl back where he found it after playing with it the day before you wouldn't be reading this now.
My heart sunk. It's the only thing of value that I have in my possession. I wanted to be mad at him but I couldn't. I decide on seriously annoyed instead, as my mind is brought back to how I aquired this beautiful thing.
It was a hot summer day I'm guessing 2006. My best friend at the time Denise decides she wants to buy me a gift. Its close to my birthday so I 'm cool with it but the hitch is I have to go with her to pick it out. Not real comfortable with that but what the hell. We get in the car and we are talking about the most personal stuff as she is driving. Sharing God stories and just plain being best friends. She pulls into Spirit Dreams. She tells me that she wants to buy me a singing bowl. She has one. I've tried making it sing. Can't do it. She tells me all the mumbo jumbo that goes along with these things. I don't really believe any of it but whatever a person needs to hang onto to stay on the face of this planet I'm all for right?
She tells me she wants me to ask God to guide me to the bowl that is mine. Whatever! So I humor her and verbalize this request, the whole time thinking how silly this is and asking myself why am I wasting time with stuff I don't believe in. It went something like this. "God show me what bowl you want me to have." Simple and stupid sounding at the same time. She told me to trust and be assured me that God hears and answers even if we don't believe. Sure.
I'm in the store and I'm looking at all these bowls. Mostly brass I think. Totally useless in my eyes. But pretty. Conversational pieces. Just what I need. More stupid stuff to talk about. I'm trying to make them sing. Nothing but screetching seems to emanate from them. I'm annoyed. the owner of the shop comes over and taps me on the shoulder. "Have you ever tried a crystal bowl ?" she says. In my head I'm thinking, "not unless you smoke out of them!" but she seems nice and I don't want to be a smart ass so I just explain to her that my friend thinks I should have one of these bowls and I'm just looking for now. I'm fully expecting her to walk away at this point, hoping she is not too aware that I am annoyed with her presence. She waits. Okay. I submit. We walk over to this counter and she picks up a mallot with a purple(my favorite color) handle on the end and I soften a bit. That's what purple does to me. She taps the bowl three times and starts circling the rim. I can suddnly feel gravity pulling me from the top of my head to the bottoms of my heels. Like someone pulled a cord and straightened my spine, and I have this strange need to stick my head inside the bowl. She grabs my shoulder and tells me I'll break my ear drums if I do that. Jay (thats her name)and Denise laugh at me. She hands me the wand and I can actually make this bowl sing. And it is the most beautiful tone you have ever heard. I can't describe it. Jay says it plays the b note on a musical scale. She goes on to explain that these particular bowls represent the chakra's. More stuff I don't believe. I'm just about ready to turn the lights off on this project when she say's This one represents the 7th crown chakra. People with central nervous systems disorders use these." I almost dropped a duex on her showroom floor. I have a central nervous system disorder. I look at Denise. She looks at me. Both of us have every hair on our bodies standing on end and our eyes bugging out. She says "we'll take it." I ask in proper gift receiver fashion "How much?" Jay says "Normally $ 200.00 but they are on sale right now for $180.00. Shall I box that up for you?" Uh, NO! lets go. must leave now, as Denise whips out her credit card. Insane. The whole thing.
I play with this thing for weeks. I'm so scared that it's going to break and the whole story of how I aquired the thing freaks me out! The novelty wears out as does the frienship with Denise. I box it up and put it in a closet, because quite frankly it becomes a representation of letting someone in and being abandoned by them. I don't want to look at it any more but I can't bring myself to pitch it like I normally would. A few years pass. My heart is on the mend. We've repaired the relationship as much as my walls can take to this point. I take it out of the closet because I have a new table given to me by my new friend Dena. Perfect place to set the thing. I've shared with her a little bit about my "issues". I know she prays for me. I thought it was kinda symbolic of her holding me up in prayer, and that bowl representing my abanodonment issues. It might be a stretch but I sit here this morning with a bowl of abandonment that is cracked and slowly leaking out. As it does I know that God is making room for the life He has instore for me. It's funny. The more I leak the fuller I get. Maybe broken vessels aren't such a bad thing after all.
So this is what I've concluded after my ride with Dave and a little sleep.
1. Children are supposed to break stuff. (I'm more likely to accept this if I can squeeze some meaning out of it.)
2. God hears our prayers (and answers. Sometimes with only a 10 min. delay).
2. People will abandon you.
3. God will replace them if you let Him heal your heart.
4. Broken vessels make good fruit bowls and five.....
5. Dave looks good in tight stretchy pants!